If Premier League Clubs Were Takeaways


Whilst the chaos and uncertainty outside might have stripped us of our favourite sports for the time being, the takeaway world, arguably the greatest accompaniment to any day of sport, remains in great health. With restaurants, bars and cafes forced to temporarily shut their doors, we thought we would take a look at each and every Premier League club and see which takeaway service best represents them.


AFC Bournemouth – Kaspas (Anything With Extra Cherries)

A real fun, light-hearted option that might just tempt you from time to time. Comes out looking pretty and with the possibility of winning a few fans off the serious big boys, but does have a tendency to crumble and collapse if you strip them of a few ingredients.

Arsenal – Papa John’s 

Has a list of ingredients that really leave you wondering why they are where they are. Definitely thinks it’s the pretty and premium option, but ultimately that’s all a bit of a smokescreen to cover up just how far behind the leading pack they truly are.

Aston Villa – Wimpy

Undoubtedly has a long, proud history within the game and still expects everyone to bow down to that. Definitely fallen on harder times these days and locked in a desperate battle to stay relevant.

Brighton and Hove Albion – Local Fish ‘n Chips

Locally sourced from the channel, nothing sums up this south coast side quite like traditional Fish ‘n Chips. Frequently battered.

Burnley – Toby Carvery

Sean Dyche’s side are hearty, honest and full of familiar faces. Generally agreed that whatever shake ups may come and go, they will always be an ever-present with their loyal group of supporters.

Chelsea – Tsunami

With a whole host of mouth-watering options to choose from, there’s a pride that comes from being the most expensive, premium choice in the capital.

Crystal Palace – Wetherspoons

Their fans will swear blind that this is the true home of good value and the best atmosphere, but ultimately all you’re left with is a bad taste in your mouth.

Everton – Taco Bell

A whole host of diverse and exciting ingredients makes this a much-fancied choice to topple the big boys, but ends up without the spine needed to maintain a challenge.

Leicester City – Jimmy the Greek

An exciting alternative choice thrown in amongst the top dogs. Full of diverse and obscure ingredients that come together surprisingly well.

Liverpool – Nacho Cheese

Either equipped with the most active fans on online polls, or genuinely accepted as being as the best option in the land currently.

Manchester City – Indian Takeaway

Exotic whilst reassuringly traditional. The nation’s current number one. Say no more.

Manchester United – Pizza Hut

Used to be the undisputed top dog choice, but struggling to find a way back up after a rocky couple of years. Still so inconsistent that it might be worth checking somewhere else out.

Newcastle United – Greggs

Diehard proud of where it comes from. Hearty, plain and honest, definitely the choice for showing that it has nothing to do with the south.

Norwich – TGI Fridays

Here for a fun, wholesome experience even if it is perhaps a bit of a faded glory. Keen to make the most of its time in the limelight before falling off the big table.

Sheffield United – Wagamama 

One of the newer choices to arrive on the scene, here to shake things up with a surprisingly strong showing. The choice of takeaway it’s cool to get behind.

Southampton – Subway

Clinging onto its popularity after a couple of strong performances a few years ago. Not afraid to shake things up with a steady change in options and styles.

Tottenham Hotspur – Burger King (Only ordering the 7-Patty Whopper) 

Spoiled for choice with a meaty middle, but really not enough at the top or the bottom to see them through. Always hanging around the big boys, but yet to secure a win big enough to be taken seriously yet.

Watford – Pizza Express

Bringing in some exotic foreign flavours thanks to their Italian owners, but have they seen better days?

West Ham – Frankie & Benny’s 

The story of two owners doing their best to turn what should be an honest, solid player into a messy, underwhelming experience way behind the standards of other better priced options.

Wolves – Nandos

A real fun and exciting option that everyone likes to see do well. Makes the most of its relatively limited options and has caused quite a stir with the bigger boys.


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